Posted by: ladybughugs | March 13, 2009

Breaktime

I’ve been a bit quiet lately. I haven’t been in a very good place. Things going on at work (both mine and H’s), a serious illness in the family, and the economy in general have combined to make me one very negative bug.

I don’t want to be negative around here. I want my kids to be able to come back when they have kids and know where their kids got that little idiosyncrasy. I want to remember and remind them of the good times when we come back.

Today a very important person in my life passed away.

She cheered our accomplishments.

She gave us a disapproving look when we did something wrong.

She was funny, she made us all laugh. Most importantly, she laughed at herself. (I wish I could do that better.)

She baked Christmas cookies with us and prepared holiday menus to rival any restaurant.

She supported us and my father when he was going through a tough time. She talked to and listened to us and him when we needed her.

She was very conscious of manners and what is proper. She insisted that a black skirt or dress was the only appropriate thing to wear to a funeral. I don’t think I own a black dress appropriate for a funeral, unless you count the dress she found in a thrift store, that she had to buy, and gave to me because I was the only person it would fit. I think it’s an evening dress. I’ve never tried it on. It has beads and it’s kind of sparkly. When my mother handed it to me (long before she was ill) I joked about her wanting me to wear it to her funeral. It was funny back then as only inside jokes can be. When I thanked her for it later I asked her that question and she laughed.

Sounds like a mom, doesn’t it? Nope.

Grandmother, then? Nope.

By some bizarre twist, she never had kids. She would have been a great mom. We were lucky; we were her family.

She wasn’t related by blood, but after almost 40 years of holidays, good times and bad times, ups and downs, she was as good as family. Better, some might argue. She was my mother’s best friend and she was really good at it.

Today, shortly after I heard of her passing. I received an email titled “Invisible Mother” and I couldn’t get through it the first time I started reading it.

It’s the parallel between how a mother sacrifices to raise her children and craftsmen sacrificed their lives in building a cathedral. All the details that go into both. The things that both do that only God sees. How cathedrals aren’t built like that today because no one would sacrifice so much to do it. While I thought of the importance of this in how I raise my children, I also reflected on how her presence in my life has shaped me.

What timing. What brought that email to my inbox at that point in time? The sender had tried to send it earlier and it hadn’t come through. If it had I wonder if it would have meant as much. I needed it exactly when I got it.

So here I am, exhausted, drained, and I can’t sleep. I’m starting to feel the Calms Forte kick in, though I really don’t want to go lie in bed for another hour. My sister arrives with her two girls tomorrow night for a Spring Break trip that has been planned for a month. I was really looking forward to having them together with my kids and my other sister’s little girl. We all had planned to go to the St. Patrick’s Corned Beef and Cabbage dinner at Scout’s school on Saturday night. My brother is flying in from Hawaii for a previously unplanned visit. It will be good to get a hug from him, though I wish it were under different circumstances.

So, long story short, I’ll try to keep up with your writing. You pick me up. I like the way you write. You all write the way I wish I could. Some of you tell a great story, some have a way of putting words together that I really appreciate, some of you have a firm grasp on grammar, spelling, and punctuation…which is refreshing. I’ll be back when I have something positive to say.

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Responses

  1. Thank you. I had to wait to post my response until I finished crying! I love you!
    P

  2. Awwww. Strong post. I am so sorry for the loss. She was a wonderful woman. She was lucky to have you guys, and vice versa.

    Thank you for your kind words. We are all, indeed, blessed to have her in our lives. ~lbh


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